He knows how to work a microwave, thank you: Goon Reviews OUaT “Darkness on the Edge of Town”

Ursula, you need to work on your badass pose.

Ursula, you need to work on your badass pose.







So, after quite a long wait, we are once again cracking open the storybook and rejoining our favorite bunch of fairy tales in their random misadventures.  Yeah, gonna be honest, not overly thrilled with what I have seen in the promos for the back half of this season, but lets put that aside for a moment, break through the barrier, and return to Storybrooke.

So, brief recap.  Gold was evil, did evil stuff, good guys found out, threw him out of town, and now he is calling on hold friends to sneak back in.  All caught up? Good.

Our flashbacks this week deals with the formation of the much vaunted Queens of Darkness.  Rumpel brings them together promising them their happy endings.  He uses them to get the Dark Curse used by Regina way back when, because he needs them to get past the defenses around it.  Once he gets the curse, he betrays the the trio, locking them in a cave with a demon that apparently eats people who have the potential for darkness.  The three team up to escape the monster, and succeed.  Good for them.

In Storybrooke, life is back to normal, or as normal as it gets for them, after the banishment of Rumpel.  Belle does some digging and finds a spell to release the fairies that Rumpel trapped inside the evil hat.  She find an Oxford professor online who is able to translate the needed spell, and Regina uses it to free the fairies.  Regina asks the Blue Fairy about the storybook, and she reveals that the Sorcerer and the Author are in fact two different people, and despite the Author going missing, he lefts clues behind in his works.  Further investigation is stopped by an attack from the same demon that almost got the Terrible Trio.  Regina and Emma drive it off, but can’t defeat it.  This is when Ursula calls, having played host to Rumpel and meeting up with Cruella to get into town, and tells them about the monster, in exchange for access to Storybrooke, claiming they want to earn redemption.  Emma and Regina lure the monster to the edge of town and cast it over the border, depriving it of magic and killing it.  The evil duo is

Seriously guys, we need a better place to hold staff meetings.

Seriously guys, we need a better place to hold staff meetings.

welcomed into town, despite Snow and David’s warnings against it, and they later sneak Rumpel into town.  We close out with the reveal that the person in Storybrooke with the greatest potential for evil is in fact Emma, and that Snow and David have some hidden past with Ursula and Cruella.

There were some very good parts to this episode, and some not so good parts.  The good being that the characters were just as enjoyable as ever, with clever writing and witty banter.  Seeing Emma and Regina teaming up to fight the monster was just plain fun, and continues to show how they have put all the negativity behind them and are actually friends now.  Regina had an amazing moment when she put herself in danger to protect Emma from the heart eating monster, the willingness to sacrifice yourself for another being the mark of a true hero after all, we need more of Regina being that awesome.  At the same time, Emma basically throwing out any plan that would put Regina in danger shows how important Regina has become to her, another nice mark of their friendship.

Now the bad.  I honestly think that the writers for Once have long since run out of ideas, or at least good ones.  A lot of stuff in this episode was borderline contradictory from  what has been previously established.  For instance, Ursula.  When last we saw her it was back in season three, she was mentioned in the Ariel episode, and was basically worshiped as Sea Goddess, complete with shrines and followers and the like, and now she is evil.  Da fuck is up with that?  I understand not revealing everything and pacing out the backstory, but c’mon, last time we saw her she was hardly evil, and was doing damn good for herself, how the fuck did she end up in New York and wanting to fight the heroes for a happy ending?  And don’t get me started on freaking Cruella De Vil.  Since when she is some dark queen with magical halitosis?  She was a freaking heiress with a fur obsession, not some magcially powered dark queen!  I’m not opposed to her being worked into the show, but the way they did it was just stupid and makes no real sense.  The character does not fit into the magical world of the Enchanted Forest, she has been shoehorned in because the writers are obviously running out of anything interesting to do.  Also, what the hell is up with Rumpel finding the Dark Curse?!  It has been all but stated in the past that Rumpel made the curse, hell its stated that Rumpel designed the curse to break if Emma died! (See S01E21 An Apple as Red as Blood)  So, how could he design the curse with a fail safe, if he didn’t actually make it?

God dammit writers, pay attention to your own damned continuity!

Not only that, according to the promos, we are going to see Emma going darkside at some point.  You can’t see me, but I am rolling my eyes so hard right now.  This whole changing alignment thing is a tired old cliche that rarely is used well, hell, how many times as Regina yoyo’d across the good/evil line?  If this something brief, a one or two episode arch, where Emma gets hit with some sort of magical whammy, then yes, it could be

Her licence plate says Devil!  C'mon people, do you need a flashing neon sign too!

Her licence plate says Devil! C’mon people, do you need a flashing neon sign too!

interesting to watch Snow and David scramble to save their daughter, maybe throw some time limit on there where if they don’t reverse it in time she is perma evil, raise the stakes a bit.  It could allow Morrison to do something new with the character, and give Goodwin and Dallas a chance to shine.  Sadly, I think this will be something  drawn out over the rest of the season, so its going to get really old, really fast.  I honestly think this is just the writers having no idea how to make any interesting new villains, so they have to just take a hero and slap an alignment change on her.  Lazy writing at its best.

Credit where credit is due, Merrin Dungey and Victoria Smurfit played the roles of Ursula and Cruella fairly well, Smurfit getting the look for the character down perfectly, so they may not be horrible to watch, and their hidden past with Snow and Charming could be interesting to watch play out, plus the reveal that the Sorcerer and Author being two different people was nice a twist, pretty much the only thing at this point I am looking forward to at this point.

Overall, the characters were still fun watch, and there are some plot points that could be a lot of fun to watch play out, but honestly, I am finding it hard to be excited about the back half of season 4.

Snooty and Goon: Focus

Two attractive thieves walk into a bar...and there's no punchline. There. Now you've had the emotional letdown of seeing this movie.

Two attractive thieves walk into a bar…and there’s no punchline. There. Now you’ve had the emotional letdown of seeing this movie.

This modern-day con movie should have taken its title’s advice.

Click here or you’ll have to use the Toledo Panic Button!

Trailer Talk

The Longest Ride


Get Hard (Red Band Trailer)

Trainwreck (Red Band Trailer)


San Andreas

Snooty and Goon: The DUFF

If anyone's in the market for a Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot, this movie already assembled the right cast.

If anyone’s in the market for a Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot, this movie already assembled the right cast.

In a touching movie that will make you feel 17 Again, Mae Whitman plays The Girl Next Door, a Clueless kid who’s still Some Kind of Wonderful. Right before she’s about to The Graduate, a bunch of Heathers Can’t Hardly Wait to tell her she’s Superbad. Maybe Whitman isn’t Pretty in Pink, but She’s All That, and I would make her My Girl in a heartbeat! Will she be Saved! by some Footloose Prince Charming? Juno she will!

Sixteen Candles.

Click here to un-DUFF yourself!

Trailer Talk

Hot Pursuit

Pitch Perfect 2


The Longest Ride

Lazer Team

Impossible is just another Tuesday for us: Goon Reviews Flash “Fallout”

Let our powers combine!

Let our powers combine!






…So, I really want pizza.  Anyone else, anyone?  Just me then.  Okay.

We pick up right where last weeks episode left off, Barry and Caitlin running from the nuclear blast that was Firestorm.  Having survived and learning that there is no radiation from the blast, Barry and Caitlin head back to find what happened to Ronnie and Dr. Stein.  Lo and behold, they find them both alive and well, if their clothes are a little worse for wear.  They bring the two back to S.T.A.R. Labs and discover that apart from a slight fever, both are in perfect health.  Stein returns home to his wife and Ronnie and Caitlin spend some much needed time together.  While this happens, Joe takes Barry back to his old home and tells him what he and Cisco discovered about the night of the murder.  Naturally confused by this, Barry goes to the one person he knows that can give him some insight into time travel, Dr. Stein.  The two talk in fancy science terms for awhile, and we discover there is still a connection between Ronnie and Stein, via Stein sensing that Ronnie is in danger.  Barry goes to the rescue, and after some military induced acupuncture goes horrible wrong, he is able to escape with Caitlin and Ronnie.  They learn that General Eiling is still after the F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. project.  Ronnie and Caitlin lay low with Barry and Joe for awhile while Stein hides out at S.T.A.R. Labs.  Things go pear shaped when Wells sells out Stein to Eiling, because he is a dick like that, but then pulls a 180 and helps to rescue him.  Through their connection, which continues to grow stronger, Ronnie is able to communicate with Stein and he and Barry go off to save him.  Barry pulls Stein out just before Eiling shoots him, but before they can escape Barry is hit with a phosphorus chemical that starts to burn.  To put it out he has to put himself into a vacuum, leaving Ronnie and Stein to get away on their own.  When escape is no longer an option, Wells tells them to merge together again, the two do so, but instead of fighting it they accept it, and thus Firestorm emerges, and kicks all sorts of ass.  With their new found abilities, Stein and Robbie decide to leave Central City, seeking out an old colleague of Stein’s who they think will be able to help them better understand their powers.  The share a sweet goodbye with their respective loves and fly off. (to be seen again in the Firestorm spin off) We close out with Barry telling Joe he will learn everything about what happened the night his mother was murdered so that when he goes back he can stop it, and with Wells, in his Reverse Flash outfit, kidnapping Eiling and throwing him to Gorilla Grodd.

So yeah, this episode was freaking amazing.  It feels like most of last week’s episode was build up to this one, and the pay off was fantastic.  Ronnie

Man, Cisco is gonna be pissed.

Man, Cisco is gonna be pissed.

and Stein’s animosity towards each other was well founded, but not annoying.  Having spent a year living in the same body is bound to leave some less than friendly feelings behind, but it was played more just left over anger over missing a year of their lives than as actually hatred towards each other.  Stein’s adopting Ronnie’s love of pizza was hilarious to watch play out.  The build up to their willing merge was well paced, and quite funny.  The small bits of banter between the two while they were merged was well placed levity in the more serious moments, and Stein’s insistence on calling his companion Ronald was also a nicely added in character trait for him.  This episode, and last weeks, are essentially a backdoor pilot for the Firestorm spin off that CW has been talking about since late in development for Flash, and after this, I seriously think it could be great.  Robbie Amell and Victor Garber play off each other well, not the best I have seen, but the whole young man/old man dynamic they have could lead to some truly hilarious moments for the two.

Barry’s learning of his eventual trip through time was a nicely done subplot for the episode, and did help to remind us that even though he may have taken a back seat plot line wise this episode, he is still the main character.  He ran through the emotional gambit after this reveal, starting with shock over the impossible news, acceptance of it and a desire to know more, sorrow over the idea that he is destined to fail his mother, and finally setting on hope that he will be able to save hiss mother’s life.  This was short, but great.  Allowing Barry’s story to progress, but still giving in a big enough role in the main story so he can continue to do the hero thing he have come to know and love.

Caitlin was interesting to watch here.  She was overjoyed to have her fiance back, as is to be expected, but at the same time, she has rebuilt her life without Ronnie in it, so his sudden return leaves her wondering what will happen.  Add in Ronnie’s desire for them to leave Central City behind, and you have a Caitlin worried for the future.  But, this did not drag anything down.  Everything about this felt natural in how it played out, with Caitlin having to once again readjust her life with the return of Ronnie, and in the end, being accepting, and almost happy, at his leaving.  As she said to Cisco, she had built a life she was happy with, and Ronnie not being able to stay in it, while upsetting for her, didn’t take anything away from it.  Instead, she is just happy he is alive and is looking forward to him returning to her life.  It was sweet, and sadly may have killed any chance of a Barry/Caitlin romance which I was hoping for, but hey, can’t have everything.

We were treated with a subplot of Iris at the newspaper and being encouraged by her partner to find out what is really happening at S.T.A.R. Labs.

Crater cuddles!

Crater cuddles!

This was uninteresting, and frankly unneeded.  This probably stems mostly from the simple fact that Iris is still just not an interesting character.  I see this particular plot leading to character drama as she tries to figure out what Barry and his friends are doing at the burnt out lab.  We will see her digging, probably a confrontation between her and Barry as she digs to deep and close to the truth, before finishing with her discovering that Barry is the Flash, and maybe some shoe horned in romance between the two.  Yeah, pass.  Seriously, I have said this before and I am going to say this again, Iris is the Laurel of this show, and they have taken far to long to do anything interesting with her character, so she is basically now just dead weight.  No offence Candace Patton who plays the character, she does it well, she just has an uninteresting character.


Overall, this was a fantastic follow up to last weeks episode, gave us great character moments, and added a new superhero to the universe that is being built between Arrow and Flash.  There was a fantastic continuation to Joe’s investigation that will lead into one of Flash’s more out there super powers, time travel, and what is a major story for Flash in the comics.  Heck we may even be getting a new show to help expand the world, we will see how things go with the proposed Firestorm spin off.

Sadly, we have a month to wait till the next new episode, where it appears Well’s secrets will be coming to life, so until that happens,

Goon out.

Snooty and Goon: Kingsman: The Secret Service

One of these things is not like the other. One of these things does not belong. Can you guess which thing is not like the other By the time I finish my song?

One of these things is not like the other.
One of these things does not belong.
Can you guess which thing is not like the other
By the time I finish my song?

This movie wasn’t marketed as a slick, hyper-violent spy pastiche full of exploding heads and misplaced father figure projecting, but by golly, the movie has both of those things in spades! Snooty and Goon dig into this latest comic-book-movie-that-isn’t-really-a-comic-book-movie adaptation looking for its deepest, darkest secrets. Too bad it wears everything on its sleeve.

Click here to become a proper gentleman!

Trailer Talk

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

Fantastic 4

Hitman: Agent 47

The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

Spice champion of Central City: Goon Reviews Flash “The Nuclear Man”

Can Marvel nail us for this?  No?  Good.

Can Marvel nail us for this? No? Good.







Curse whoever invented the cliffhanger ending, curse them to the special level of hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

We depart from the usual Flash format, where we see Barry squaring off against a new super powered baddie and instead dealing with something a little closer to home, for everyone.  In the main story we see the continuation of the Ronnie/Firestorm subplot.  Team Flash has successfully discovered what happened to Ronnie, and who he merged with, a Professor Stein, who Barry reveals that he met briefly on a train the day the accelerator went boom.  He apparently made a favorable impression on the scientist because he mentions later that he remembers meeting him.  They are able track Stein down by way of his wife, who Stein has been watching in secret.  They bring him back to S.T.A.R. Labs and do their science thing on him.  Wells learns that the Ronnie part of the body is rejecting the Stein part and building up heat that will result in a thermonuclear explosion.  The only option, kill Ronnie/Stein before that happens.  Caitlin refuses this, not wanting to loose her fiance again, and after a brief consultation with his disembodied voice, Wells figures that he can re-purpose the stolen dark matter dohickey into a device that would safely separate the two.  However, Stein, hearing about his impending meltdown, runs away to avoid hurting anyone.  Barry and Caitlin rush out to the badlands after him, but and slap on the science MacGuffin on him to no avail.  Barry rushes them out as Ronnie goes boom in what was one of the best visuals of the show to date.  The episode closing out with General Eiling (last seen in the episode Plastique) sending out a response team to claim F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M.

In subplot one, Barry’s got a girlfriend!  This runs just about as well as you would expect.  The two have fun on their date, play off each other well, on the second date when things start heating up Barry has to rush out to handle Flash business.  Instead of getting angry Linda takes it in stride, and after a talk with Iris, believes it would be best to just walk away, thinking that Barry still has feelings for Iris.  Barry assures her this isn’t the case, even

I am sensing my least favorite geometric romantic shape showing up here

So yeah, that is totally some subtle symbolism right there.  Nothing can be gleaned from that at all.

eating the hottest pepper known to man to secure a second date, and the two patch things up.

In the final subplot, Joe brings in Cisco to help him solve Nora’s murder.  The two go to Barry’s old house and discover that a mirror in the room was there at the time of the murder, and because of weird sciencey reasons they are able to extract pictures from the materiel on the back of the mirror and convert it into a 3D hologram (again, weird sciencey stuff) this leads them to an old blood spatter on the wall they are able to extract two different blood types from.  Joe asks Cisco to run the samples against Wells, but Cisco refuses, not willing to believe that Wells could be a killer.  Later on, he does run the samples though, and discovers that one of them is a match for adult Barry.  (cue dramatic music here)

This was a really great episode, they have been teasing us with Firestorm for quite some time now, so actually getting an episode mostly centered on that story was fantastic to see.  The whole two in body thing was taken right out of the comics, and was a lot of fun to see play out.  Robbie Amell (who is the cousin of Stephen Amell aka Oliver Queen from Arrow) played the crazed fire starter fairly well, and did an even better job when he was stabilized thanks to a fancy drug cocktail.  It was a bit of an  odd experience seeing a young man act like a much older person, but it worked, Amell did it well and he was able to really bring out that awkwardness of a stranger being surrounded by people who know the body he is stuck in, but not him himself. (have I confused you yet?)  We sadly did not get a resolution to the story, they are obviously still building up the character for his planned spin off, so luckily we will get to see more him in the future.

In the romantic subplot, we got a fun break from the tension that was building with the Ronnie story.  Most of this very lighthearted, Cisco even making jokes about Barry being to fast.  This does take a turn for the mildly dramatic when Linda thinks that Barry’s odd behavior is from unresolved feelings for Iris.  They write this off quickly, Stein even giving Barry some advice on how to deal with the situation.  His end plan of eating the pepper to win the second date was a fun play off their first date in the beginning of episode, but it felt a bit wasted.  I feel they could have worked up more to this scene, maybe hold it off for an episode or two, that way making it a fun callback to a previous episode, but its obvious they didn’t want to spend to much time on this little relationship hiccup, so I understand why.  Regardless, it was still fun and cute to watch.  The only downside, was Iris at the end.  Her little downtrodden look upon seeing Barry and Linda kiss was just rage inducing.  She has never shown any interest in Barry outside of their friendship, so if she is going to start getting jealous because Barry doesn’t have unrequited feelings for her anymore I am gonna end up hating her

"So, we're gonna end up together right?" "Probably."

“So, we’re gonna end up together right?”

character even more.  If they spin this as her just being worried about losing her friend, I can get behind that, and could lead to a sweet friendship moment between the two.

With Joe, it was a bit surprising to see him bring Cisco in, but makes sense.  He needs some tech help with investigation and wants to keep Barry out of it until he knows more, so that leaves Cisco.  This had some  amusing parts to it, the big one being the middle age divorcee who was hitting on Joe, and the neat hologram stuff.  The biggest part being Joe confiding in Cisco his suspicion of Wells.  Cisco response was spot on what I would expect from the character, the total denial that his friend and mentor could be a killer, but also showed that Cisco does not blindly follow his boss.  When Wells talks about killing Ronnie/Stein, Cisco shows that he has some doubts about Wells, and does indeed perform the blood test for Joe.  The reveal that Barry’s was there at the night of the murder is no surprise, as they have been advertising the time travel aspect of Flash for sometime now.  Still, it was nice build up for one of Flash’s big powers, and good forshadowing for future events.

Overall, this was a damn good episode, it balanced out the drama and humor, Barry had some positive steps in his new relationship, Firestorm was awesome, and great set up for future events.  The cliffhanger ending was annoying, because lord knows I hate those, and the potential love triangles building up will surely fill me with rage if/when they come to pass, but all in all, a great episode.

Goon out.

Snooty and Goon: Jupiter Ascending

Dog boy meets space princess. Dog boy falls in love with space princess. Dog boy loses space princess. Dog boy rescues space princess. Rinse and repeat until end credits.

Dog boy falls in love with space princess. Dog boy loses space princess. Dog boy rescues space princess. Rinse and repeat until end credits.

No horoscope nonsense here, just a couple of critics taking a (gravity-booted) run at the latest sci fi epic from the masterminds behind the Matrix. There’s no virtual reality and no color-coded pills, but anything else goes in this huge, beautiful, messy, flawed roller coaster of a movie. Wings and blue goo optional.

Click here to claim your space inheritance!

Trailer Talk